I think I’m almost past the stage where people ask how married life is. Sure, the friends will still ask because they expect a serious answer and the acquaintances will still ask because they have nothing else to ask, but I think the in-between people are done. It’s just as well. Saying “OHMYGOSH SO GREAT” over and over is fine, but talking about your marriage like you’re making a comment on the latest Bradley Cooper movie is kind of weird.
Sure, my marriage is OHMYGOSH SO GREAT. But it’s also all the other things.
Marriage is so fun. And so hard.
Marriage is so easy. And so complicated.
Marriage is so natural. And so weird.
Marriage is so intimate. And so lonely.
Marriage is so simple. And so confusing.
And on it goes. Mostly I can just speak from a few months of living it, and a couple decades of watching it, but marriage is just going through all the adventures of life with another person. And also nothing could be more of an understatement. It is so comfortingly mundane and universal and at the same time so piercingly personal. It will give you wings, and it will crush you. It is the clear drop of water and the rainbow refracted. Marriage is all the things. And not enough.
Nate will not (and cannot) be all the things. I still need my girlfriends and my mentors and my family and most of all my Jesus. Leave and cleave doesn’t mean ditch all the people everywhere. It just means your favorite person should be treated like your favorite person. It is (I think) the most significant earthly relationship there is. But it is still an earthly relationship – beautiful, jagged, fragile. My heart still needs Jesus most. I still need the community of sweet, smart, struggling people we call the Church. Marriage is all the things. And not enough.
My marriage is a learning curve. I even put that in my vows, because I hate learning curves. I said “I commit to the learning curve.” I just want to be able to read a few books, study a thing, and go do it. I don’t want to fail or fumble or flounder. I just want to do the thing well. Ok, perfectly. Even I know you can’t do that in marriage. How much sweet relish (eww) Nate likes in his egg salad is a learning curve. How particular he is about (and amazing at) organization is a learning curve. How he wakes up like it’s Armageddon is a learning curve.
But you know what else is on this learning curve? Finding out how hysterically funny my husband is. Realizing I probably married one of the most patient men on the planet. Understanding that there are really cool ways that our personalities work together. Seeing how being married to Nate is going to be one heck of a great adventure.
So how’s married life?
OHMYGOSH SO GREAT, and not enough.